To all the people of York who find our national flag "offensive" and "intimidating".

I'm sorry you feel this way. It must be incredibly difficult to live your life as a perma-offended, oversensitive jangling bag of exposed nerve endings.

I'd like to help.

Can I suggest you stop whingeing, moaning and whining and piss off to live somewhere with a flag you approve of.

Thank you.

And my advice is equally applicable to anyone else who comes out in a rash when walking past a flagpole.